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New York’s Keoki on Drugs, Death, Fame & Redemption- I Feel Like A Teenager Again. "Charming, charismatic and remarkably fresh faced and lucid, New York superstar DJ Keoki is a million miles away from the junkie casualty caricature he’s sometimes been portrayed as in the press."
“Crystal Meth was probably the hardest drug to give up, because that physically got me. It wasn’t hard to stop but for months and months after, I’d still fell ‘icky’, grouchy and depressed, I gained weight and was miserable.”
Charming, charismatic and remarkably fresh faced and lucid, New York superstar DJ Keoki is a million miles away from the junkie casualty caricature he’s sometimes been portrayed as in the press.
“The weirdest lies I’ve heard are reports that I’ve passed out on turntables, I’ve never done that, I was always on speed, you don’t pass out on speed. I’ve even had people think that I’m tied in with the murder, that somehow I’m involved in that evil circle of monsters.”
The murder he’s referring to his ex-boyfriend Michael Alig’s infamous slaughter of their drug dealer Angel Menendez, a tale recently immortalized in celluloid as Party Monster (Keoki’s played by actor Wilmer Valdarrama). And as the film correctly depicts, the pair’s 7 year romance had ended over 12 months before Alif finally crossed the line.
“During the period when I lost my friendship with Michael I wasn’t in love with myself but rather the idea of myself,” he suggests.
“I don’t think you can truly love yourself when you’re on drugs, it’s not really possible. You can do all kind of things physically but it’s not real love, you’re actually hurting yourself because you’re closing yourself down. I’m like a sponge; I can take everything in and absorb it but when I’m on drugs I can take things in but they don’t stay, rather they rot me from the inside.”
Keoki’s chatting to Jonty Skrufff in the corner of a busy Bayswater pub, sitting next to his long term boyfriend Alfio.
“Fortunately I met my husband here, Alfio, who’s been my rock, no pun intended,” Keoki laughs, gesturing to his partner.
“He taught me to look in the mirror and really see myself. When I was fucked up on drugs, he wouldn’t like me and treat me the way I wanted to be treated. It wasn’t because he didn’t like me, it was because he didn’t like me on drugs. I’m a totally different person when I’m on drugs; I’m very selfish. Which is cool, I don’t regret anything because if I hadn’t been selfish I probably wouldn’t have done any of the things that have made me who I am today. But I realise that life’s a lot more fulfilling in other ways, that I didn’t realise before.”
Skrufff: Starting with your music, you were known throughout the 90s for playing hard four/ four house and techno, though both your new compilations (Kill The DJ and Keokiclash) are electro/ mash-up compilations, have you abandoned house altogether?
Keoki: “I’ve abandoned everything that’s already been done, that same old DJ formula of build up, breakdown and trance out to washy synths. I’m too excited about what’s happening right now with the return of vocals, melodies and songs with beginning middles and ends and I’ve recently realised that I’m right to have totally changed what I do. In America, though, I’ve had it easy because people almost expect not to know what to expect from me.”
Skrufff: In practical terms, how did you do go about switching from house to electro-mash-up?
Keoki: “I started by completely changing my record box; I took everything out and started from scratch, and actually went to record stores again, listening to records and maybe buying two or three at a time, instead of 20, but knowing that those two or three are great records. It makes me feel like I’m 17 again, like I’ve just started DJing again, it feels fresh.”
Skrufff: Do you feel a part of the whole electro-clash-synth scene, with your old associate Larry Tee?
Keoki: “Definitely, Larry Tee has always been in tune with everything that’s happening and we’ve been friends for 16 years, we’ve always been around the same circle of friends. In New York City, it’s rare that you have more than six or seven really good friends and Larry is one of them to me. We’ve evolved in the same circles so when he did his Mutants thing in Brooklyn he had the same head-space that I was in. I’d go and listen to what was happening and realise, ‘OK, this is where I should be at’.”
Skrufff: I was surprised to see you started out in New York working as a baggage handler at one of the New York airports, how did you land that job?
Keoki: “I always wanted to travel and, in fact, the very first place I wanted to visit was the Vivienne Westwood shop here in London and I figured the only way I could ever make it happen would be to work for an airline. I was 17 or 18 years old at the time, I applied for a job, went through the whole training procedure then got a job placement in New York. And sure enough, I got free travel, so the very first trip I took was to visit London. I slept at Heathrow airport, travelled around on London buses and visited the Vivienne Westwood shop, though I was window shopping I must add, I made hardly any money at the airline job.”
Skrufff: How did you first penetrate New York’s 80s club scene ?
Keoki: “When I got there I didn’t know anybody at all, I had the airline job and they helped me find an apartment in Queens, which is near La Guardia airport. When I wasn’t working I’d take the train into the City (Manhattan) and wander around and the very first club I went to was Danceteria (NYC’s key superclub of its day) where I met Michael (Alig). We became friends and he got me a job there as a busboy (glass collector/ general assistant). I knew I wanted to be around the club scene and be a part of it, I loved everything I saw around me, coming in and out of Danceteria. So I got more nights bussing there (working as a busboy0 US Ed) while Michael started toying with the idea of doing parties for Rudolph (Danceteria’s front man/ chief promoter). Rudolph said to him one day, ‘You and Keoki don’t pick up enough glasses around here, we like you being around here but you’re not working that much, you’d better think of something else you can do if you really want to work here’.
So Michael came up with this idea to do the Filthy Mouth contest where whoever got on stage and said the filthiest thing would win 50 dollars. The party was really different and it was a success but we realised after the first party that the music wasn’t very good. I’d never DJed before and only had one turntable at home but I’d always collected music and I knew what a DJ booth looked like so started doing it and became Michael’s DJ. Meanwhile, I was still working for the airline but would always arrive late for work. I needed to get there at 3pm in the afternoon which I thought allowed me to stay up all night, but I then moved to The Bronx and eventually got myself fired. That was a sad day for my Mom, she was like ‘what are you gonna do, you have those travel benefits with the job, you’re not gonna’ be able to visit me’.
It was a big decision and it took me a while to decide whether I could give up the airline job and actually make a living playing records in a club. It was terrifying but I managed it, starting to DJ at Danceteria, then a club called The World, and also the Lounge at a club called Area (another of the era’s key nightspots). Area was where everything took off for me. I was playing lounge-y alternative stuff, Frank Sinatra next to The Cure, and the owner of that club gave me some really good advice. He told me, ‘I don’t care what you play, just as long as people stay in the club. And as long as you look fantastic and keep on dressing up.’ So I started calling myself Superstar DJ and I’d wear a crown on my head and loads of chains when I was DJing and everything took off. I realised I could keep on filling the room until 5am and started making $50 a night, three nights a week, which was perfect for me, I was making more money than I was at the airline.”
Skrufff: How long did it take to move from $50 a night to serious big bucks?
Keoki: “It took about two years, I paid my dues in New York City and played loads of shitty little clubs for nothing but it was the right place to be at that time. “
Skrufff: Reading some of your old interviews via Google, you talked about your crack addiction in 1997, and you said ‘I love drugs, but I can’t do drugs and other things at the same time’, when did it all slide out of control?
Keoki: “It went out of control around the same time Michael went out of control. I was travelling the world and I’d become really good friends with Caspar Pound (Rising High’s infamous label chief, from London) and Caspar really brought out the rebel in me and made me feel I could do anything. I thought I could DJ, produce and remix on drugs, but just as quickly as I thought that, I learned that I couldn’t. This was around 1995; I found myself making lots of money, getting offered every drug in the world and every opportunity in the world but everything started clashing and I realised that you can’t do everything on drugs.”
Skrufff: Crack’s renowned for being tricky to give up, how easy was it for you?
Keoki: “Physically, my body wasn’t addicted to anything, fortunately I never got into heroin, and I think I purposely avoided heroin because I’d never seen anyone come back from it. I dove into using crack, cocaine, crystal meth and ecstasy but never really had a physical addiction to any of them, but I started getting frustrated with them thinking ‘Why can’t I get high and still make catch my flight in time’. It became a mental problem for me and I needed to find other ways of doing things and fortunately marijuana’s always been there for me (chuckling).”
Skrufff: So with crack you just said one day ‘No more’?
Keoki: “Oh yeah, though I could do crack tomorrow but I’d probably have a two or three day binge then realise it wasn’t such a good idea. But I most likely won’t do crack again. I’ll answer that question in that rehab way; ‘Today I’m not going to get fucked up’.”
Skrufff: Larry Tee’s still very active in Narcotics Anonymous, hosting a group in New York; did you also join NA?
Keoki: “No, I didn’t do any rehab at all. Though I remember when I returned to New York three years ago visiting Larry’s club and I hadn’t seen him for a few years and I came up to the DJ booth with a drink shouting drunkenly ‘hey, Larry, how ya doin?’ and I split booze all over the mixer. He just looked at me with a frown and I said ‘I’m so sorry’, I felt like such a monster.”
Skrufff: I understand you’re a great believer in pursuing self-fulfilling prophecies, in what way?
Keoki: “If you truly follow what’s inside your heart and try not to hurt yourself and others around you, then you can accomplish anything, I’m the poster child for that approach, because I’ve come so far, I’ve sold over a million records and I honestly don’t think I’ve even tried as hard as I could. God was with me when I was doing drugs and he’s with me now, it’s all part of the masterplan. I don’t like to preach about drugs but I’ll always speak about them honestly. For me they became a constant battle and at one point I realised the battle was enough. Now, I’m aiming for some smooth sailing and I’ll deal with the ups and downs of real life like I was supposed to.”
Skrufff: You have a massive tattoo on your back saying Misery. .
Keoki: “That’s in homage to Michael. Before he went to jail he was talking to me about what happened and I couldn’t believe it in my head. I was battling my own demons at the time and I was just thinking ‘Michael’s lost his mind’. Up until that point I’d always thought of Michael as being one of the strongest people I’d ever met, I admired him, I thought he was strong, I thought he was smart, he just didn’t seem like the kind of person that could be crushed by anything. Then this happened, everything crumbled and he crushed like an eggshell. I interpreted that as him being a strong person going through misery and he’s going to be miserable for a long time. A friend of mine helped me design the tattoo, we took a weeping Buddha, put that underneath and figured out the word would be perfect above it.”
Skrufff: Do you believe in evil as a genuine force?
Keoki: “Yes. I believe that evil is really there and it can come in lots of different ways. I also believe that through the use of drugs you open yourself up to everything, evil and good, evil and ecstasy- you open yourself to all of that. So it’s scary when you’re on drugs and you’re around all those forces because they can take you over. I’ve been guilty of being evil when I’m on drugs, because it’s not been me, the evil has taken me over. I certainly do believe that there’s an evil force that can totally take over.”
Skrufff: Do you see Michael’s killing as being down to the drugs?
Keoki: “I think Michael was overtaken by evil and demons, the selfish entities that are out there that wanted to manipulate this brilliant creature into doing something for them, for the dark side. That’s what I think happened.”
Skrufff: You talk about the RAVE act on your website. . .
Keoki: “Just a little, I prefer not to get too involved in politics but I don’t feel that oppressing everything and trying to buckle everything down is helping at all in America. I think the Just Say No drugs campaign in America is bullshit, education is the most important thing, to teach people what drugs do for you. I thought we were moving in the right direction where raves started including pill testing booths and leaflets giving out harm reduction information then this RAVE act came in and started closing everything down. Now kids will try to find other ways to take drugs and they have to do it in hiding which I’m totally against.”
Skrufff: Miami’s Space 34 almost closed down recently over drug issues, what did you make of that?
Keoki: “What do the authorities think is going to happen, do they imagine people are going to stop going out looking for their pills and ways to escape? Of course not, they’re just going to find other routes, which is kind of exciting because maybe something else will happen as a result. But it’s wrong, I wouldn’t be where I am, at the happiest point of my career if it wasn’t for clubs and music. It’s about being able to stand next to someone like Nina Hagen in a bar and talk to her. I remember realising that the one place I could meet her was a club where we could actually sit and talk. Or you could turn around and talk to a businessman, who has no idea but millions of dollars and can maybe produce a record together. Clubs are the only place you can find that kind of atmosphere and possibility.”
Keoki’s latest mash-up/electroclash compilations Kill The DJ and Keokiclash are both out now. For further information check his site.
http://www.djkeoki.com
Interview By: Jonty Skrufff (Skrufff.com)
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