Articles - Interviews

“A healthy level of consciousness combined with a healthy level of denial is the best way to face life, providing you are the filter and judge of when to use which. Being authentic with yourself and others is the key to opening and closing that door appropriately and constructively, I think. I have reached the conclusion a while ago now that there is no point in stressing too much about things you cannot change. An active acceptance can move you forwards in your life.”

Italian expat Londoner alternative electro type Fran Piro knows more than most about the meaning of life, having grappled with being HIV positive since the early 90s. Told by doctors to ‘abandon making any long term plans’ when he was diagnosed in 1994, he went on to experience horrific HIV related illnesses before stabilising his health as medication and treatment improved as the 90s ended. A fanatical clubber and accomplished musician in 2004 he released a single Violent Silence, dedicated to raising AIDs awareness and 4 years on he remains committed to the cause, both as an active counsellor for the Terrence Higgins Trust and through his new electro-rock band UTurnS.

The band play live in London on Saturday December 7 at Frankie D’s night Coition, though Fran points out he remains firmly committed to raising AIDS awareness (not least to tie in with World AIDS Day marking its 20th anniversary (on December 1).

 “My main priority is making music right now but the two things can easily travel parallel to each other; I do believe that my music is the best mean to promote my message and raise awareness but only when appropriate,” says Fran.

“I don’t really like preaching to people when they are not receptive or interested. I think there is a right time and place to do that. At the moment, I choose to give the practical help of volunteering as a counsellor helping people who are finding it very difficult to cope. I will have to deal with HIV for the rest of my life (apparently!) so I will make raising awareness or contributing to the cause a priority for just as long.”

Skrufff: 4 years ago released Violent Silence what’s been happening with your music since then?
 
Fran: “After Violent Silence I met up with Andrea (guitarist) and Max (keyboard player) through a mutual friend and we started writing some songs together. We got on well so after a while we decided to present the material as a band instead of a solo project. I wrote some of the tracks with Kinky Roland as well. He’s not in the immediate band but he has helped us also with production. Then Pete joined as a drummer and Cesca as backing vocals. Dan (my partner absolute joy and best friend!) was already with me from Violent Silence as body shapes and backing vocals. We have recorded more than enough material for an album..”

Skrufff: What impact did the Violent Silence project make in the end?

Fran: “I did that project out of frustration after being unwell stuck at home for a while so for me personally was cathartic as it helped create something positive out of a very distressing situation and it definitely moved me forward. I was hoping to do that for other people by showing that you can use creativity to deal with difficult circumstances and somehow gain some control in a time where it might seem as it’s been taken away from you completely. It was 20 years since discovering HIV and no one was talking about it anymore. Even the Guardian on World Aids Day that year had their main front page article talking about the problem of obesity in the western world (with a big picture of an overweight child) and then below that was a little column at the bottom of the page about AIDS in Africa. ‘How inappropriate and offensive’, I thought.

Someone needs to talk about AIDS and even though I am nobody in terms of notoriety I still have a right to speak. Hence even if just to have my conscience clear I felt it was important. As a matter of fact other people related to it and were very supportive. In practical terms it made around £1,000 and all the profits were donated to THT counselling services where I still volunteer as a counsellor for a more hands-on approach and to put my money were my mouth is. Now it’s not a great deal of money that I raised but again if everyone raised that much and volunteered for whatever cause they feel close to, it would definitely be a better world.”

Skrufff: On your website you mention trying to tackle the stigma surrounding HIV: how much has it changed since 2006?

Fran: “Personally at the time I was struggling a lot with all the implications of the stigma and the confusion and insecurities it brings. Who do I tell? Will they still see me for me? Will they still love me? Do I tell this person or that person and/ or my family. I got to the point where the best solution for me was to just tell everyone and then they could sort out the shit themselves, if you know what I mean. I just wasn’t willing to stress anymore about it. All this shame didn’t feel like it belonged to me so I put it out there almost to exorcise my demons without worrying too much about the consequences. Now I don’t think that’s the best way for everyone to deal with it and I don’t urge everyone who’s positive to come out. It really depends on your circumstances and for some people it’s not the best option. It worked for me but I am well prepared for the negative comeback of that.

I really don’t think there have been any major changes since then. Obviously the stigma is a different scenario in different countries and so, I think, it should be dealt with in different ways. In some countries being HIV+ can get you killed and that is a much more scary and serious scenario, of course. Here it’s different, the stigma is a lot more subtle but it’s still very present and able to completely disrupt and disable people’s lives underhandedly.

Volunteering as a counsellor I deal with a lot of that. People find it very difficult to disclose to their families or at work and that can have a devastating psychological effect on the way HIV+ people might see themselves and on the way they relate and interact with others. It can really affect your self esteem hence send you into depression, panic attacks and generally create a great deal of difficulties in terms of integrating yourself and feeling equal. In the United States, despite all the campaigns, there is still a ban that prevents HIV people from entering the country. I think it’s being challenged and in the process of being changed but it’s now 2008 and I think that’s disgusting. The fact that here the stigma is not as dangerous as in other countries shouldn’t make us grow complacent but on the contrary it should push us to do more towards fighting the prejudice as perhaps that will help the situation of other places too where they are dealing with more dangerous consequences.”

Skrufff: You mentioned last time working with disadvantaged kids in a school in Peckham as a counsellor, how much do you feel that London is becoming more dangerous/ more homophobic?

Fran: “If I compare to when I moved to London in ‘86 then I’m bound to think yes, of course it is becoming more dangerous and violent. Though I sometimes wonder whether it’s just the effect of being over-exposed to this American style terror campaign where we just hear a lot more about stuff that is always been happening. I think people are desperate nowadays so they will go to any length to get what they want and they do that without any empathy or consideration for other people. We live in a world that constantly promotes violence to get what you need, as entertainment etc. As much as I think that can contribute to the problem, I really believe the route is about your background and what you’ve absorbed there. My experience working with kids in Peckham was more about dealing with the aftermath of disastrous family situations of abuse or neglect. Once you’ve worked with the extremes of that you start to really understand where violence and homophobia are born and bred. So in those terms, yes, I think things are getting worse.”

Skrufff: How about Italy: seems to be shifting ever more to the right: are outsiders marginalized even more?

Fran: “Italy’s situation is absolutely unbelievable. It just astonishes me how politicians are still getting away with absolute murder, literally. On the other hand I think the majority of Italian people deserve the government they have as they themselves voted Berlusconi again. It is very right wing. The mayor in Rome used to be part of a really violent right wing party. Berlusconi made a law that if you are in the government you can’t be prosecuted whatever you have done even if it’s murder.

Again, people are desperate and politicians take advantage of that. They promise people what they want to hear knowing for well that they won’t deliver. Some people fall for that as they are going through difficult times and they are desperate for a change. Outsiders have always been marginalized in Italy (that’s why so many of us live here in London) but now it’s happening more and more. The sad thing is that some of these outsiders, tired of being left out and with no jobs or money, are being convinced by the right wing parties to vote for them. I’ve seen quite a lot of that and that really scares me. It’s like the outsiders are also marginalizing themselves obliging to the small mentality of the majority. The weather and scenery is still lovely there though.”

Skrufff: In our last interview you said ‘I seem to be able to get on with life, instead of wallowing in misery and worrying too much’, You’re clearly very much more in touch with your mortality than most: what conclusions have you reached about life?

Fran: “I have worked a lot on myself in terms of counselling, meditation etc to understand how I work and what I really think and feel. Of course I get down from time to time but I don’t let it last too long. I want to believe we are here to embrace the diversity and complexity of inter and intra relationships, to enjoy ourselves, to celebrate, to suffer and to challenge ourselves but ultimately I think we are really not meant to know what life is about. Hence perhaps life is about being happy and comfortable with the uncertainty and unpredictability of it. My HIV diagnosis taught me that at a very early age.”

Skrufff: How do you regard death?

Fran: “My perception of death changes depending from where I am in my life. I am not that wise to have positively embraced it completely at all times. Rationally I do think it’s a transition and it’s a release and that we possibly won’t understand life until we’ve died. I feel it will be the time when we finally let go of all tensions. We will probably let go of being separate and truly experience being whole, possibly as an energy. It’s very humbling and comforting to see it that way. On other occasions, I see it with fear and anxiety. If I consider the possibility of having to leave my partner and the people I really care about it becomes a lot scarier but, as I said before, I tend not to wallow in that kind of thinking too much anymore.

I would rather spend the time enjoying the life I have than preparing myself for death. What scares me more, like probably anyone who HIV+, is dying of a long suffering painful death and having to have people you care about watch you go through that. Death falls in the categories of things you can’t change for me so again I don’t spend too much time on it. I would rather cross that bridge when I get to it.”

Skrufff: And what’s the purpose of suffering?

Fran: “I believe suffering brings teaching. It’s not the catholic point of view in which we must constantly sacrifice and suffer. It’s not about their usual one universal learning which is generally not to sin. Not that, I don’t believe in that at all. I feel the learning should be your own interpretation relevant to your personal life. I believe life teaches us stuff through different avenues. We learn a lot from happy times as well so it’s not exclusively through pain and suffering but both.

In Psychosynthesis (the approach of psychotherapy I follow) it’s very much like in eastern philosophies: a crisis is an opportunity for a change and so however difficult, it is very necessary too. I use all difficult circumstances in my life to challenge myself, be a better person and to shift myself to a different level of consciousness. I don’t look for suffering but if it happens to be on my journey, even if at times with difficulties, I always face it keeping in mind that life is offering me an opportunity to do things differently.

As much as my life would have been easier without all the difficulties I had to face, I can’t deny that I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it wasn’t for all the shit I dealt with. Some of us tend to resist learning certain of life’s lessons and life has a tendency of presenting you with the same issue until you’ve absorbed what you need to in order to get further in your journey. Usually the less you learn the harder you get hit. After all, we make this constant assumption that happy is good and sad is bad but really who’s to say that? Most of the time it’s probably just because the world we live in can’t be bothered to deal with difficulties as they slow down the so called process of evolution and civilization.”

Skrufff: Are you still in touch with your old friend Marc Almond?: have you seen him since his accident?

Fran: “Yes I saw Marc the other night.  We speak or see each other from time to time. I have a lot of admiration for the way he has recovered from such a life threatening experience. He had a very difficult situation on his hands and he turned it around big time. I have been to see him live at Wiltons and at another couple of shows and he’s back on form. He came to our first gig and really enjoyed it. Marc is really supportive of what I’m doing and I really appreciate that. We have known each other for more that 20 years.”

Fran’s band UTurnS plays at London party Coition at Sin (Charing Cross Road), Saturday 6th of December, alongside Mechanical Cabaret, Mark Moore, Frankie D, Alex Roots and Soho Dolls (show time is 10pm)

http://www.myspace.com/uturnsmusic

Article by Jonty Skrufff (Skrufff.com)

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