End Times expert Allison Warden downplayed Mayan Prophecy predictions that the world is due to end on December 21st 2012, this week, telling the Washington Post that the apocalypse is instead certain to take place this October.
The bespectacled publicist of bible studies group We Can Know’ explained that according to the Book Of Revelations, Jesus will be returning to pick up a few thousand chosen ones in May for the Rapture, leaving the rest of humanity to perish in a global firestorm on October 21st.
Details of her chilling prophecy emerged just as thousands of red-winged blackbirds mysteriously fell out of the sky and perished in Arkansas on New Years Eve followed by reports of numerous other inexplicable mass animal deaths around the world.
While tens of thousands of sardine and catfish washed up dead in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, 500 hundred birds were found dead in Baton Rouge, USA. Hundreds more dead jackdaws also turned up in Falkoeping, Sweden prompting panic across the blogosphere.
“Has 2011 brought the start of the apocalypse or what?” Alternet suggested, “It seems that way in Arkansas at least, where thousands of animals have inexplicably turned up dead (100,000 fish also perished there).
Writing on Christwire.org, far right American cleric Reverend Clyde H. Higgins was even more concerned, suggested the fish and birds actually herald an ‘American Apocalypse’.
“Not even the sweet tweets of a beautiful songbird can quell the mighty wrath of God! He is angry and will not stop until all sinners burn in hell where they belong!” the Reverend stormed in a rant attacking Obama, gays, Mexicans and non-racist non-homophobic non-fascist sinners in general.
“God is angry because men are now allowed to say “I’m gay” and then join our armies,” the Reverend continued, “Liberal democrats have brought damnation upon America, but we allowed the beast to rise. America refused to nuke Iran when they announced they wanted nuclear arms.”
The controversial religious portal also features an approving endorsement of We Can Know’s October 21st prediction, adorned with a full colour picture of foxy blonde bombshell We Can Know advocate Marie Exley.
“Marie Exley, a veteran of two deployments in Iraq and quite the looker, said:
A lot of people might think, ‘The end’s coming, let’s go party’,” said christwire.org
“But we’re commanded by God to warn people. I wish I could just be like everybody else, but it’s so much better to know that when the end comes, you’ll be safe.”
http://bit.ly/gQRmqu (Marie Exley)
http://bit.ly/e3UAvH (Christwire.org: apparently NOT a parody!)
http://www.wecanknow.com/ (‘The date of the rapture of believers will take place on May 21, 2011 and that God will destroy this world on October 21, 2011. These dates are 100% accurate and beyond dispute . . .’)
http://bit.ly/g0oGEf (Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds)
Article by Jonty Skrufff: http://listn.to/JontySkrufff