Judge Jules Says Snitch On Smelly Clubbers

Judge Jules called on clubbers to inform on smelly clubbers this week and complained that the UK’s recent smoking ban is causing people’s body odour (BO) to ruin otherwise great nights.

Jules suggested the smell of smoke had been previously masking people’s BO and complained that ‘the more off-the-hook and energetic the atmosphere is the more the smelly minority start stinking’.

“Somebody’s gotta’ take a stand,” he decreed on his weekly blog at JudgeJules.net, “ I want to start a campaign for clean smelling clubbers to name and shame the smelly people on the dance floor to embarrass them into washing before going out next time. Equally, it’s time that all venues introduced scented dance-floors. Harass your local club manager on the issue, and the gagging will eventually stop,’ he urged.

Mikki Most from Trailer Trash said they’ve definitely noticed more body odour at their tiny London On The Rocks headquarters, telling Skrufff ‘hot, sweaty dancing bodies are great for the club but tend to smell a bit after a few hours on the dancefloor’.

“Jules’ suggestion of scented dance floors is a great idea and I’m sure some of the bigger venues with some money to burn would consider it,” he agreed, “However, most of these have pretty good air conditioning anyway so I don't thing it's so much of a problem. It's the small sweatbox places like us where it's more of an issue - most of which don’t have much spare cash so I very much doubt it will happen.

Keeping a can of deodorant in your record bag isn't a bad idea and if any really bad offenders come into the box you can always give them a quick blast,” he suggested.

Armani Code aftershave wearing fellow London club promoter (Fonteyn said no-one stank at their Nuke Em All grand opening last month (‘We had a light smoke machine on, whether that masked any smells I don't know’, he suggested) and was also less taken with perfumed clubs

“I think scented dance floors might be a nice idea but with the majority of UK venue owners being total cheapskates, the reality will mean clubs stinking of nasty air freshener (a particular dislike of mine),” he laughed. “I think people will have to just scrub up.”

Canadian electro-disco diva Betty Forde told Skrufff they’ve had am off and on smoking ban in clubs there for years and said so many Canadians smell so much that smoke never hid BO anyway though stressed her main complaint is bad breath.

“As a DJ, when someone comes up to you to bug you while you're working and ask you stupid questions and make stupid requests, although it’s very loud and tempting to just tell them you can't hear them, beware of doing so, for they will not retreat, rather they will get right in your face and shower you with their bad breath and spit,” she warned, “And if you're not careful some of the gross white foam caked in the corners of their mouth will dislodge and fall onto your mixer.”

“And not to go off on one, but once Stinkmitt played with this band in San Francisco, the Judy Experience, and their whole trip was to actually smell as bad as possible, they thought it was  "art", she laughed.

“So you can imagine how much the stage f**king stank after they got off and we went on. They totally outstank StinkMitt, that's for sure. I am still having smelly nightmares about them.”


Article by Jonty Skrufff

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