Metrosexuals Get More Chicks- Official

US scientists who used marker pens to colour the chests of submissive barn owls the same colour as dominant birds, have discovered that the cosmetically enhanced birds went on to develop significantly higher testosterone levels, having much more sex more than their unpainted peers.

Within just one week, made up owls became significantly more attractive to females, the biologists from Arizona State University revealed, prompting one to declare it’s the 'clothes make the man',

"Other females might be looking at them as being a little more sexy,” Arizona Uni biologist professor Kevin McGraw added, “And the birds might be feeling better about themselves in response to that," he suggested.

The study was published just as lifestyle guidebook ‘The Retrosexual Manual: How to Be a Real Man’ appeared in UK shops, offering key retro advice such as ‘Remember, you have a number of qualities, almost all deriving from your testosterone, which women can't help but admire’.

“Women like to talk, bless them. So don't try to stop her getting her feelings off her chest, however daft they might be,” the Guide also recommended, “There's no need to actually listen, however. Nor does she expect, or even want you to express an opinion of your own. A nod of the head, roughly every 90 seconds, combined with a concerned frown, or a cheery laugh, where appropriate, is perfectly sufficient,” it advised.

In scarier news for testosterone soaked types, the Times published a definitive guide to male pattern baldness treatment, with grim tidings for the follically challenged.

“In 1995 researchers at Duke University, North Carolina, confirmed that castration was effective – indeed, it appeared the only permanent solution to male hair loss,” said the Times, “This raised the question: which part of themselves would most men rather hold on to? The researchers concluded that “while castration may be a cure, it is not commercially viable”,’ the paper added.

Article by Jonty Skrufff (

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