Cancer charity group Movember are inviting men to grow a moustache for 30 days from the first of November in their latest annual fund-raising appeal.

The Australian based charity launched in 2003 when 432 men grew sponsored moustaches though last year attracted 255,755 men, who raised over £26million for prostate cancer research.

“Movember challenges men to change their appearance and the face of men’s health by growing a moustache,” the organization explain on their website, “The rules are simple, start Movember 1st clean shaven and then grow a moustache for the entire month.” VeryVeryWrongIndeed head honcho Tim Sheridan took time out from planning his farewell party at Leeds’ Back to Basics (he’s relocating to London shortly to work for Fabric) to chat about his long running attachment to both handlebar moustaches and a fully grown beard.

“Why have a moustache and beard? It's a combination of "can't be arsed grooming", a brilliant deflector of girls and the fact that nearly every great man in history and not a few women sported them proudly,” Tim explained.

“The ‘style’ gets decided when you are a young shaver. How you shave at first apparently dictates the growth. I find a handlebar happens by itself now 'cos when I was a kid I used to twiddle all day and night. Like most teenagers,” he chuckled.

Occasionally clean shaven (but usually hirsute) Balearic hero Lenny Ibizarre said he first started growing a moustache ‘to fit in’ when he lived in Cairo in the 80s.

“My long hair and leather jeans gave several locals the wrong idea,” Lenny explained, “I generally went for the Fu-Machu Mo, but never took the time to grow a proper Harald Bluetooth Viking-king style stash; but maybe now is the time.”

Tim Sheridan similarly said his facial hair continues to attracts unexpected attention from time to time though ‘only in some areas of Afghanistan and Northern India and unfortunately not from women, or unarmed amorous warlords.’

“You also get tagged as a ‘bear’ which I understand is a type of gentleman of interest to a certain group of other gentlemen and sometimes each other. A polite sprint usually suffices in those situations,” Tim added. He also revealed that on the rare occasions he’s shaved everything off entirely during his 25 years of sporting facial hair, he’s been ‘amazed’ by the reactions he’s encountered.

“People literally blank you or even start conversations as if you are a distantly remembered acquaintance rather than a family member. Sometimes the topic is you. Which can be very illuminating,” he said.

“On the other end of the scale people from India immediately warm to you and interaction with Saudi Royals is very smooth, I've found. I have encountered some hostility, usually from people who think it is an affectation, some from people mistaking me for (Yorkshire Ripper) Peter Sutcliffe, some mere shallow envy and now and then from a disgruntled child who didn't get what they wanted one Christmas. It's their own fault for being naughty I say. Having a proper face full does require some chutzpah now and then,” he laughed.

Motor’s notoriously pugnacious drummer Mr No said his own moustache mostly grows ‘because I’m too lazy to do a dandy shave’ though admitted his hairy visage regularly affects the way people treat him.

“People think I'm older when I have the moustache and I get more respect. However I have returned home a few times with black eyes from guys who thinks they're younger and tougher than me,” he said, “I also get more girls coming on to me when I'm clean shaven, perhaps I look richer and less like a loser artist,” he laughed.

Mr No also tackled the thorny question of whether he ever gets bits of food stuck in his moustache revealing ‘there was one time it got caught in a punk's clit pierce. Afterwards I found out she became a lesbo. Enough said.’  Lenny Ibizarre similarly looked downwards.

“How about a shaved genitals campaign?” he suggested, “Let's face it; until the 80's muff adventures were akin to jungle warfare.”

“The correct term for unwanted stowaways on you face is "festoon". As in the context of one's valet discreetly murmuring "Sir, you are possession of an unplanned festoon", “It's only an issue if it is accidental.” Tim Sheridan clarified.

“A good beard is like the mighty Tiger. Proud, dangerous and when broken, a great novelty circus turn . . . but on your face,” he laughed. (Sign up here to grow a moustache)  (Tim Sheridan headlines Back to Basics on Saturday November 6, doing a 4 hour back to back set with Frenchy).

Article by Jonty Skrufff ( )


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